Saying Goodbye
by Asa-san
Summary: The world is a cruel place, and Ivan wants a way out. WARNING: CONTAINS CHARACTER DEATH!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The sidewalk was empty except for one person. He was rather tall, about 5' 2, and if he wasn't looking at the ground, he would have been at least 2 inches taller. His name was Ivan Braginsky, and, for the most part, he was like any typical twelve-year-old. He went to school like everyone else, had a loving family as well. In fact, the only thing that separated him from the other kids his age was his appearance. Aside from being taller than most of his classmates, he also had wispy, silver hair, which was usually covered by the hood of his large, beige jacket; a tall nose; and a pale complexion that complemented his radiant, amethyst eyes. Unfortunately, because of his strange appearance, Ivan didn't have many friends, and was often the target of the other students' ridicule.

With his hands shoved in his jacket pockets, he hurried to get home. It had been another long day of school, and he wanted to get as far away from that accursed building as possible. 'Today's the day,' he thought. 'I'm finally going to do it.' He kept his eyes down, not caring about his surroundings. He just wanted to forget his classmates constant pointing and the sound of their taunting laughter. He wanted to escape. Gripping the lining of his pockets, he quickened his pace. The greasy smell of Wac World signaled that he was almost home. Turning the corner, he glanced up, seeing his home slowly coming closer.

Ivan stopped in front of the door. He sighed, then put on his best smile and walked in. His father was still at work, so, as usual, it was just him and his sisters at home tonight. His older sister, Katyusha, was laying on the couch in the living room, reading, while his little sister, Natalia, was sitting at the table in the dining room, fondling a small, light pink blob. Natalia looked up with a grin and raced over. "Welcome home, Ivan!" He patted her head. "Hey Bella, you seem to be in a good mood today. Did something happen at school?" She nodded, "Yeah, the new boy from Japan brought in some weird foods today," she held up the blob. "This is Mochi. I saved it for you." She tossed it to him, but he passed it back. "No thanks, I'm not hungry." She looked hurt, but quickly changed back to her usual cheery self. "Okay, I'll just leave it on the counter. I also got some Puccho and Yan-Yan if you want some." Ivan shook his head, saying he just wanted to go to his room, but then Katyusha called him. Ivan groaned, walking away from Natalia, and entering the living room.

"Yes, Kat?" Katyusha looked up from her book. Ivan read the title, _Final Breath, by Kevin O'Brien._ He rolled his eyes. Kat loved horror stories, and loved telling him little inserts from them, but he never understood why. "Listen to this, page 52: 'The test audience was split right down the middle- the ones who knew about your accident and the ones who didn't. The ones who didn't wondered why you were limping. The ones who knew about your injury didn't want to be reminded of it.' It's strange how when someone's hurt, people are either completely oblivious, or they just try to avoid talking about it." 'Oh god, if only she knew,' he thought. Katyusha sat in wonder, forgetting that Ivan was still standing there. "Okay, so was that it," he asked. His sister shook her head as if to wake herself up. "Yeah," she said before returning to her reading. Ivan nodded and walked up the stairs to his room.

Once in his room, Ivan didn't bother to lock his door; no one really bothered to check on him, anyway. That was why right now was perfect. He walked over to his desk and turned on his radio, setting his CD to repeat one song. Sitting down, he began his work. He grabbed a pencil and paper out of his desk drawer and began to write. He hummed to the tune coming from the speaker as he worked. Then, after setting his pencil down, he reached back into his desk and pulled out his butterfly knife. It was a simple blade with a golden-colored handle that fit perfectly in his hand. Taking the knife, he walked over to his bed and sat down, staring at the ground. "Am I really going to do this?" he mumbled. He had thought about it many times, but the thought of what would happen after death scared him, forcing him to stop. He opened the knife; the small "click" the handle made as the two halves came together gave him a shiver. He removed his jacket and slowly brought the blade to his arm: the cold metal threatening to pierce the soft skin.

He paused, trying to remember the good things—anything that could stop him. He thought about Katyusha, and how supportive she'd always been, at least, when she wasn't reading. Then there was Natalia. They had always been so close; how would she grow up without him? But the thought of his sisters were quickly shrouded out by different thoughts. He thought about how he hardly ever saw his father, and how, even when Ivan did see him, they never spoke. He remembered the bullying that he had to suffer through every day at school, and how no one—not even the teachers—ever tried to stop it. He began to cry. Out of everyone he knew, only two people seemed to slightly care about him, but even they never noticed just how broken he was. As a crash of cymbals began the chorus in the song, Ivan dug the knife into the tender flesh of his arm and dragged it down; the wound travelled from just below his elbow to his wrist. He grimaced, but he knew it wouldn't be enough, so, painfully, he took the knife in his other hand and cut again on the other arm. Knowing he only had a few more minutes to live, he laid down to study his handiwork. The dark red blood oozed gracefully across his paling arms as it dripped onto the bed. Soon, he began to feel cold, then dizzy, then nothing at all. Ivan had finally escaped.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day, Natalia was awoken by an ear-splitting scream. She raced to where she had heard it come from, but stopped when she noticed it was Ivan's room. The door was slightly open and she heard faint sobbing coming from inside. Cautiously, she opened the door and found her sister kneeling at her brother's bedside. Ivan was laying on the bed, his face was white as flour and his eyes were closed. There was an odd, metallic scent in the room that she couldn't recognize, though it was very familiar. "Katy?" Her sister looked up: her eyes were red from crying, making her, usually ocean-blue, irises look more like a stormy sky. "Katy, what's wrong? Don't be sad, he's only sleeping," Natalia said, taking a step towards her siblings. That was when she noticed a purple stain on her brother's blue blanket beneath his arm. She may have only been 6, but she had scraped her knees enough times to know that the stain was blood. "Katy, he's bleeding! He needs a Band-Aid!" Katyusha began to cry again. "It's too late for a Band-Aid," she choked out between sobs. Natalia watched as her sister walked away from the bed and sat at the desk, her elbows resting on the surface and her face buried in her hands. Natalia went over to her brother's bed and kneeled next to him. Wondering where all the blood had come from, she turned his arm, finding a long cut going from his elbow to his wrist. Dried blood stained his hands and left trails from the cut to his bed. She turned back to her sister, who was reading a piece of paper. Her sister opened one of the drawers and revealed a disk, then placed it into Ivan's radio before turning it on. The disk began to play, and Ivan's voice came out of the speaker.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Hey Kat," Katyusha looked at the radio, surprised to hear her brother's voice. "I want you to know that this isn't your fault. But I also want you to know that there was no other way. I've been planning this for a while, but could never build up the courage to actually do it. The bullying just became too much at school, and I couldn't take it anymore. I felt alone—" The voice paused. 'Why did he never tell me? I could've helped, or tried, at least,' she thought as the voice began again. "I couldn't bring myself to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. You already have enough problems trying to raise me and Bella alone." It was true: their father was gone most of the time, so she was in charge of taking care of her siblings. 'But that's what I'm here—well, was here for. I was supposed to make sure you grew up.' Katyusha was holding back tears, wishing she could've done something to help him. If only she would've known what was happening.

"By the way, I know that you never understood the music I listened to, mostly because it wasn't in English, but you know," he laughed. "Anyway, I translated one for you. That way you can know what it's saying, and so you can understand how I'm feeling." A small "click" was heard, and then the song came on. Katyusha frowned: it was the same song that was playing when she had found him. She recognized it by the synthesizers and slight bounce that the melody had. It was a slow song, and it was hard to tell whether it was meant to be a fun song or a sad one, but by what Ivan had said, Katyusha was sure it was sad. And when the voice came in, it wasn't a pre-recording like the background music; it was Ivan. His voice fit in perfect with the song, really giving it a forlorn feeling. He put the most emotion into the chorus, making the words stick in Katyusha's mind.

 _If I'd live this way, I would never want to stay. Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't even know. No one here wanting me. Please don't say you don't agree. Would a world like that be a yes or be a no? If I'd live this way, and you'd wipe me into grey, hundreds of millions of people wouldn't change at all. No one would hate on me. That would be so nice to see. Nothing would change because I'm losing where I fall._

The song soon ended, and a sniff was heard on the speaker. "I'm sorry Kat. I wish it didn't have to end this way—" Ivan had paused, his words replaced by quiet crying. "Please tell Bella that I'm sorry. I love you," he hardly choked out the last part before breaking into a sob. That was the last thing she heard before the track ended.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Katy, what's he apologizing for?" Katyusha looked over at Natalia, who was holding Ivan's hand and giving her a puzzled look. Natalia was too young to know what suicide was, and she had never really been exposed to death before. 'How am I supposed to tell her that she'll never see her brother again?' Katyusha thought as she walked over to her sister. She sat down and took Natalia's free hand, "He's apologizing for killing himself." Natalia tilted her head, "What does that mean?" "It means he won't wake up," Katyusha pulled her hands away and used them to cover her face, ashamed for having to explain something so terrible to her little sister.

Natalia looked back at her brother. 'How could brother not wake up? It's not possible.' She grabbed his shoulders and began to lightly shake him. "Brother?" she began to shake him harder, "Brother. Ivan, wake up! Please wake up," She was now yelling at him. She slapped his face a few times, hoping for a reaction, but to no avail; Ivan still didn't move. She felt a hand on her shoulder. "He's gone, Belle. Nothing can change that." Tears streaming down her face, Natalia looked up at her sister, who was doing her best to try and comfort her. "You're wrong. He'll wake up eventually. He has to!" Natalia knew it was a lie, but she couldn't give up on her brother just yet. She turned back to her brother's lifeless form. She put her finger on one of Ivan's wounds and began to slowly trace the line. "Ivan," she whispered, "I still love you."


End file.
